Monday, June 22, 2009

The Dirty Life of Dogs

Dazy is a brilliant dog when it comes to fishing. She knows how to sneak around trees avoiding the shoreline, she knows how to stand on my left to avoid getting hooked. She is better than any human being I have taken fishing.

So why is a dog that can shake, roll over, army crawl and sit on demand so stupid to roll in dead animals or horse poop whenever the opportunity arises? Does horse poop actually smell like Polo cologne to a dog? Does it release the pheramones that attract other dogs? Because as near as I can tell, all it does it make her nose green and her fur smell like...well...shit.

For those of us who live with her it's an inconvenience. But for her master, it means I need to continually wash her, unclog the drain with dog hair and then live out the definition of insanity by doing it over and over and over.

Last week, I PAID someone else to do it. She came back from the groomers with a bow in her hair and a new bandana. The equivalent of a baby fresh out of the tub with baby lotion all over. But I turned my head for one second (yes, ONE), and she jumps in the muddy river. I scold her and she gets out and as I lunge for her, she rubs out the water by rolling in dirt and horse manure.

This dog is 8 years old! That is 64 in human years. It is unacceptable. She is too young to be senile, but old enough to know better. You don't see my dad running around rolling in poop? Why the dog then?

I thought about getting even. Maybe I could roll in cat feces and then ask Dazy to come and cuddle. But the thing is, this dog loves you no matter what. It's an impossible situation.

It's time to switch out for a goldfish.